Bladdy Indian

Wassup la dei. Oh excuse me, that was just a typical Nigga Indian slang. How so appropriately fused in terms of colour…hahhahahhahhaha

You might be thinking what the hell is this Indian dissing his own people. Well, I aint dissing. I’m just making fun of our idiosyncrasies. And mine personally. Just laying down the facts straight. If you’re an Indian, and find this offensive and might not be able to handle it, I suggest you take a hike.

One of the most irritating idiosyncrasies of ours is being late. Very late. Well technically, we’re not late. We are on time. We’re just being very patriotic to our country. You see, our clocks at home, and personal watches are set according to the real time of our hometowns. We’re all following the times of Mumbai, Madras, New Delhi and all the major cities of India. So can you blame us for being late? We’re actually early. On the dot. So, if you want us to be early, understand us. Just set your time according to our hometowns. And we’ll always be early. But you may ask, why can’t we bladdy hell set our times to the local time. Well, we’re Indians. And do you think we’ll follow you?

Alcohol. Ohohoohohoho…..If you want to wake an Indian from a deep slumber, you get an alarm clock that rings, “ Carlsberg! Carlsberg! Carlsberg!’ He’ll be up in an instant with full alert. Yea baby. That’s our ‘water’. Just like how petrol is to a car. And one of my Indian buddy told me this “Before drinking, an Indian has 2 balls.
After drinking he’ll have 3” I can’t remember who was it. But I think I’ll credit this remarkable saying to my late friend, Parveen.

Yes, so if you’re wondering why you see bottles flying across Telawi streets in Bangsar on weekend nights, now you know. You see, we Indians have weird genetics. We were born with a medical disorder. We’re not the same like the rest out there. We have a very bad allergic response to alcohol. We may be able to hold our drinks, but we are suckers in stopping that allergic reaction. Just like how some people are vulnerable to seafood and lactose. They develop rashes, boils and severe itch. But for us, the symptoms are developed internally. All the allergic reactions are channeled to our scrotum where we develop a lump, or in other words a ball. An extra ball that is. And having 3 balls can actually be a pain. It’s irritating and painful. Just like PMS. And how do we let go this pain? We throw tantrums. Just like PMSing females. At the slightest provocation, we explode like a volcano. So you see, because of this medical disorder, we’re always in the bad light.

So now you see. We Indians aren’t that bad after all. We have a reason for all our irritating behaviour. And very valid reasons to it of course. So the next time you have an Indian displaying those idiosyncrasies that actually gets on your nerve, remember what you just read. We are just hapless creatures responding to our natural surrounding in our very own natural way. 100% Indian la dei

Untitled

Writing music can be lots of fun. It’s an exciting journey. Especially when you’re writing with 2 of your closest buddies.

So the journey began on Saturday night. Sree our unofficial sound engineer brought his ProTools and ibook for recording. It was amazing to see how technology has advanced, my jaw just dropped at every capability of this recording software. Well maybe it’s just me coming out of my hut.

We started off recording our old material. Damn, after just one week, I forgot my bass lines to our ‘Sunrise’ song. We were at loggerheads on this song. So we decided to continue with the next song.

Then Josh whipped out his notepad with frustration and started belting out his original tune. Julian on the other hand was constantly bombarded with orders from Josh to write a bridge. Julian the ‘emo’ one, couldn’t handle Josh’s military style and erupted like a PMSing b***tch. Then all hell broke loose. But the ironic part was that it wasn’t scary. It was funny. 2 big, overweight adults behaving like 5-year olds can be quite a scene. It certainly was to me.

But after a while, the tension eased. From b***tches we morphed back into mature adults. We continued recording. One by one, we fed our parts into the ibook under the watchful eyes of Sree. This continued till 6am. I fell asleep on the couch by then. Even with all the noise, I’m amazed at how I managed to doze off. Damn, could this be an indication the song was that bad? hahahhahahhahha....

Everything ended at about 7 am. I was surprised to see the sun when I woke up. We then heard the last recording one final time. It was rough and raw. But it certainly was a small step to better songwriting, and one giant leap to 11th Hour. A demo is in the pipeline. And if everything goes well without sudden bursts of erupting PMSing, it could be on the airwaves soon. We hope. Till then, 11th Hour’s story is untitled.

No thing

Here I am sitting in front of my PC trying to figure out something to write about. Can’t even find something motivating enough to blab about. So let’s just muse on the very thing of ‘NOTHING’.

‘Nothingness is emptiness. Emptiness is godliness. And God is empty, just like me.’ The very lyrics to Smashing Pumpkins’ hit single …oh shit I forgot the title… from Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness album. Slurpp. One of my personal favourites.

Can nothing be equated to vacuum? The vacuum in space. Or how about the state of limbo. Everything stands still. Time. And your physical self.

Oh wait. What about Limbo rock? 'Jack be limbo, jack be quick, Jack go under limbo stick. All around the limbo rock. Oh, let’s do the limbo rock.' Lyrics to a hit oldie song.

Well there you go. This ramblings of mine. The worst ever. Why? Because it’s really nothing.

The 4 drunkards

Sitting and bitching over many rounds of beers. 5 consecutive hours of non-stop bitching, politicking, backstabbing and mature, heart-to-heart conversations last Friday night. It started off pretty slow. We were just waiting for the ‘buzz’ to kick in. And just after 8.30pm, that much needed buzz came knocking in our heads. Boy, that was just the spark we needed to ignite some fiery, hot, steamy conversations. I had my long time childhood friend who I knew since I was 7, my good old working teammate, and last but not least the coolest dude around in the office. 4 drunkards with lots to talk about.

It was indecent, but every line that was blurted out was worth pondering. There were great ‘leadership’ thoughts being thrown around in the air. And we were all wise and mature enough to catch and ponder over them, instead of stereotyping and dodging those questions with our ego. And I can personally vouch for some lines that could win that person some Noble Peace Prize, and equate them to the like of Einstein. Definitely mind blowing.

All in all, it was a great night out with the boys. It was emotional, spiritual, and thought provoking, fueled by our greatest ally- the beer. And we went home, taking the good of our conversation and leaving the bad in our empty mugs. Nice.

Uncertainties of life.

We live in a world of uncertainty. You don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. Tonight. Heck, even in the next 5 minutes.

What happens when we live in a period of uncertainty, in full realization of it? We want something to happen, yet we don’t know if it will. We so hope for it, but uncertainty pulls your wishes even further away from you, leaving you in the rough sea. Struggling to know if your wishes will ever emerge from it. And yourself too. The thought of it eats you from within, shredding you into pieces. No one can help. Only your inner strength and mind can help keep you afloat. And the buoyancy of your float relies on the strength of your inner self.

Always expect the unexpected. Always be prepared for the worse. Because once you let your guard down, the rough sea will swallow you. Tomorrow will never be the way you want it to be. Adapt and survive the uncertainties.

Gym Virgin

The gym. What the hell is so great about a gym. Well, I was curious, hence I decided to ‘deflower’ myself at California Fitness - an upmarket gym at Mid Valley. I had a 7-day free trial.

Last night was my first experience. I was nervous at first. Thinking of how I would measure up to those walking chunks of meat. I approached the reception counter with a coy smile. She thought I was a member. So she was waiting for me to present my ID card. Lo and behold, I presented her a FREE voucher.

Later on, I was approached by one of their ‘qualified’ fitness instructor. I was asked a few health questions. And one of it was ‘ Which particular part of your body would you like to target.’ It was easy. My almost bulging belly. And he asked what do you think caused it. Without any doubt, I answered him by showing the universal drinking hand sign. To my amusement, he tried to control from bursting with laughter. Soon enough, he couldn’t help and started laughing like a 5-year old, while trying to politely control as much as he could. I burst out laughing too. To justify that he didn’t mean to offend me, he confessed to being a bladdy drinker too. And he beat me. He drinks every day. HAHAHHAHHAHHAHA….


So I was shown around. Damn, were there many gay guys huffing and puffing in their bloody body fitting singlets and almost non-breathable, micro pants. Damn, that was a sight NOT to behold…..

And just when I thought I was going to be intimidated by these muscular people, there comes along one fat fella. Thank you so much. You just gave me a shot of confidence. So I joined the crowd, huffing and puffing. Started of with the treadmill for 25 minutes. That really burst the dams of my sweat glands. Then moved on to those workout machines. I had to always adjust it to lighter weights, while I wondered how the hell these people get their super strengths. Spent about 1 hour plus, and headed straight for the shower.

Interesting it was. How strange. It was just like how everyone’s hearts go thumping before getting ‘deflowered’.

One last one for the road.

It’s 8.30pm now. Just got back to the office. Just had a drink with the coolest Malay dude I know – Mr. Rafayadi. My colleague and newfound drinking partner. Had a nice chat over a jug of beer. Mr. Rafay was spilling out his life story. Interesting it was. But the best part of the story was that he altered the course of his life story, played scriptwriter, and turned his life around. For the better. Kudos, to you buddy. You’re the master of your own destiny.

One for the road.

Today I had my 15 seconds of fame. Literally. I was in front of the camera. And with it rolling. Yes, I was a star for a while. For a Cadbury video. Celebrating 100 years of happiness. Yeah right. I was suppose to blurt out “ My favourite chocolate is Cadbury” And that was the greatest lie I told for the day.

What’s with everyone today?

Today. It’s not like what it was decades ago. Where everyone was more laid-back, where they had the time to smell the roses, and take delight in what nature and life had to offer. I wasn’t living that world, but I can certainly vouch for it, at least.

So here I am today. Living in today’s world where some of the most basic things in life have been forgotten. Are we letting our hearts run wild, as it would like to. Let it run without anyone restricting it, or stopping it. Or have we been molded by today’s society which is so caught up with the dog-eat dog world, so caught up in chasing after dreams that our most innate feelings are neglected.

Why are we scared today? Are we living in fear of rejection? Why are we afraid to let that heart walk that thin line. Afraid to fall? What’s the height of that fall? What’s at the other end of that crossing? Would we ever know what’s at the other end if we don’t take that first step. Fear, like shadow, will follow us throughout our lives. But we can avoid that shadow when we walk in the dark. And that’s called, walking with our heart.

Walking with your heart takes you to places where your mind can’t and never will take you. Somewhere so serene, beautiful, not by sight, but by feel. Walking blindly has a risk. You will never see those potholes or that stone jutting out, waiting to trip you. But at least, you know the end of the journey is a place where you want to be, where you will lay to rest that heart of yours for eternity. I’ll take on that journey. Till then, the stumbles and pitfalls will be worth every ounce of euphoric feeling that will make life a little sweeter.